A Simple Comparison

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Have you ever felt like God uses certain relationships in our lives to remind us of some of His characteristics and His love for us? Oh man! I have! May I share some with you?

1.       Right after Matt and I first got married I quickly came to understand more about Christ’s forgiveness in my life. I realized that if two sinners here on earth could love each other enough to forgive each other for our faults, how much more could a perfect God forgive us?

2.       Having children will teach you lots and lots and lots of things about the love of the Lord. I know I love my children so very much and want the best for them, even on days they aren’t behaving well. How much more does a perfect God love my children and me? 

3.       Finally, and the one I want to spend the most time on, is the relationship of marriage compared to salvation. When Matt and I got married we came together on January 3, 2011 and said our vows to each other. If you watch the video of our wedding you will see that I butchered the repeating of the vows. I was so nervous I couldn’t clearly articulate simple words like “endowed” and “cherish.” Talk about embarrassing! But, whew, we got past it and still came out married. 😊 Throughout our marriage there have been times of spiritual strengths and weaknesses. When our flesh has gotten the best of us, we can see a drift between us. When the Lord has strengthened us, we can see a closeness like never before. We both have a desire to have a perfect marriage, but we both constantly fail. That failure doesn’t mean our marriage ends. No! It’s for all of our lives!

Isn’t is a glorious thing to know that salvation is just the same as this principle of marriage? There are people who worry because they can’t remember the exact day that they placed their faith in Christ. There are people who worry about whether or not they said the right words to receive salvation. There are people who worry that a sin they’ve committed has taken their salvation away. Are any of these true? No! Not according to the bible.

One time my husband was standing in front of a church and was talking about the day we got married. He went to tell the date of the wonderful event when he all of a sudden drew a blank. He really couldn’t remember the date of our wedding! Ha! Does that mean we were no longer married? No way! I’m sure they’ll be a day when I may forget, too, but that won’t change the fact that we’re still married! Just like salvation! You don’t have to remember the day or the time to ensure your salvation. It’s a very special time in your life that a lot of people tend to remember, but nowhere in the bible does it say that memory is needed for eternal life.

I always cringe when we watch our wedding video because of how poorly I did on repeating after the Pastor for our vows. Good grief, you’d think I had never spoken before as badly as I did on those things! But once again, I’ve never worried that we weren’t married because I didn’t say my vows correctly. We understood that this was a time we decided to come together and share with others the commitment we had made to each other and to God. Nothing you say will save you! Nothing! Salvation cometh by faith and faith by the Word of God! It is not what you say that will save you, it is who you are trusting in to save you. Not what did you DO to receive salvation, but WHO did you put your faith in!

Finally, what about those who see themselves as “fallen off the bandwagon,” for those who have struggled all throughout their Christian lives and have constantly made bad decision after bad decision and now feel as they are too far gone? They must have lost their salvation by now, right? NO! Hallelujah! If there were ever a time they believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, then they are saved now, were saved then, and will forever be! His mercy and grace is truly unfathomable!

God has given us an eternal security in Him! He’s given us a relationship here on earth that exemplifies these perfect characteristics He portrays. We serve such a loving and caring Father!

Walking in the Light

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My family and I have been back in the states for a little over a month now. We are enjoying this time the Lord has given us to be here. Seeing friends, spending time with family, and catching up with many churches has already been the topic of our busy schedules. While I have been very much encouraged by the love and generosity shown to me and my family, I’ve also been somewhat dismayed at the burdens pastors, friends, and family have shared with us. I wanted to take a few moments to address one of the main issues we’ve faced.

Please let me begin by saying I am not writing about this in order to point fingers or even to say I have all the answers. The Lord knows I am far from learning this truth myself and I am truly trying to share with you what He has been teaching me. It’s a DAILY struggle for me that I constantly have to ask the Lord to help me with, and that’s why my passion for this subject is deep.

Around the end of last year I was reading I John 1:7 – “If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another.” Now, this was certainly not the first time I had ever read this verse. In fact, it’s in my repertoire of memorized verses and I even know a few songs correlated with it. However, this time when I read it I felt an immediate urge of conviction.

The verse clearly tells us that if we are walking in the light – meaning to be walking without sin with Christ – then we will have fellowship one with another. I can present this in another way, too. If I have aught with my brethren, then I cannot possibly be walking in the light. Convicting, huh?

Think about it. If there is ANYONE in your life that you have aught with, you CANNOT possibly be right with your walk with Christ. I know, I know – “You wouldn’t believe what they’ve done to me!”- Trust me! I get it! It’s a terribly hard pill to swallow. But this is truth from God’s word!

Arguments amongst friends, conflict in the home, church splits, etc…the list goes on and on. Do you know how vindictive and downright mean Christians can be? Wow! It’s disgusting and very disheartening! And all in the name of Christ! What a shame!

So, what should we do?

Christian, I beg you to forgive! I beg you to allow yourself to be broken before the Lord and let Him do a mighty work!

Have you ever told someone you’re sorry even if you are 100% convinced you did nothing wrong? That would be a big piece of humble pie to eat, wouldn’t it? Have you ever gone to someone truly broken before the Lord – not because you’re trying to impress someone – but TRULY DESIRE TO WALK IN THE LIGHT?

Our friendships are broken, our homes are broken, our churches are broken because of our PRIDE. What needs to be broken are our spirits towards the Lord Jesus Christ. The only time the Lord can truly use us, can truly speak through us is when we are broken.

I have SO MUCH to learn in this area. As mentioned before, it’s a daily struggle that I am constantly seeking the Lord’s help on. Pray for me. I desire to be used in a great way. I desire to walk in the Light.

May God help us all.

Two Year Takeaways 

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January 8, 2016 marks two years since our arrival in Cambodia. Two years ago we gathered with our families at the airport to bid farewell. Two years ago we boarded a plane with 16 pieces of luggage carrying what we thought to be our greatest assets. Two years ago we stepped into a bit of the unknown trusting God to lead us every step of the way.

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I’ve jotted down a few things I’ve learned after our first two years on the field. There is no order of importance or occurrence, but just simple thoughts of some practical and spiritual gleanings.

1. Being flexible.
Whether it’s with my time (nothing is done in a timely manner here), my taste (you never know what I may put in my mouth), or my training (language learning has sure stretched me), I’ve learned to be flexible for my husband, kids, and ministry. Maybe I should say I’m STILL learning. Really, most all of my points could probably stem from this one.IMG_0642

2. Being proactive.
Because of the extra time it usually takes in meal prep, I’ve learned to plan ahead by using a weekly meal planner and cut all my fruits and veggies at the beginning of the week for time saving.
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3. Building relationships with neighbors.
We’ve been super blessed to have great neighbors both in the capital and in Kampong Cham. After hearing horror stories about other missionaries dealing with their neighbors, I’ve realized how blessed we are in our relationships with ours. They’ve actually become like our family who even hold a key to our home when we go out of town. We also swap food very often and I will soon be taking cooking lessons from them, too!

4. I’ve never been so thankful for good health.
Living here has made me realize how much your health affects your life and the ministry. Sometimes we’ve had to try changes in our diet, upping our vitamin intake, or just getting extra rest to cope with the different illnesses we may encounter. We get a stomach illness so very often that now we simply just refer to it as the “Cambodian Crud.” Also, after dealing with Matt’s viral infection late last year, I’m much more thankful for those moments you meet a trained physician. 😊

5. I’m driving a moto!!
I figured one day I may give in and ride a moto, but I can tell you I would have NEVER thought I would actually have my very own! I also wouldn’t have thought that I would’ve ridden side saddle carrying my one year old one day before I delivered my second child. Even typing this makes me feel like I’ve gone to the wild side. Ha!

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6. Hanging clothes on a line.
Yeah, sure, I’ve hung clothes before, but never have I hung entire loads of laundry every day of my life! Plus, if it’s too windy or humid outside, you’d better forget about drying more than one load that day. I did see a dryer for sale one time in a new mall, but I don’t think we have enough power coming into our home to make that work. Fabric softener, anyone?? 😜

7. Having a baby in a foreign country.
What did I learn from this?? Well, you have to remove toenail polish from your big toe before delivering a child. Expressing pain in a foreign language is easily understood. And getting a passport for new baby takes a long time and requires leaving the country (just crossing borders) as soon as it’s received.

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8. Mopping, mopping, mopping.
All of our floors are tile, and dust is always coming in, so you can understand why I was thrilled recently to receive a brand new mop that spins itself!!

9. Shopping in the market all by myself.
This was a big accomplishment for me because of the chore it can be to explain what I’m looking for each week.

10. Staying hydrated is more important here (to me).
I drink way more water here than I would in the states. The sun is brutally hot here sometimes and I can get burned without even noticing it.

11. Sewing!
A missionary friend has lent me her sewing machine while she is on furlough and I have completed some fun projects with it! This machine and all its instructions are in Japanese, so a YouTube video was helpful in getting me set up.

12. More in-depth bible study.
I’m not sure if this is because of living here, or just at the stage of life I’m in, but the Lord has shown me that my bible study had to go deeper than just reading a passage and saying a prayer. The Lord has really opened my eyes to the importance of thoroughly studying His word. This has helped me to develop a more thorough prayer life, too.

I really could go on for a long time explaining some of the things I’ve learned, but I’ll stop here. I will just sum it up by saying that these two years in a whole have been awesome! I still feel like I’m living in a dream! How awesome is it that I get to live with my family in a foreign country telling people about Christ!? It is such an honor to serve the Lord here.

Our Love Story

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In honor of our upcoming anniversary, I’ve decided to share our love story.

It’s hard to believe we’ve been married for five happy years now! The Lord has been so good to us and allowed many things to happen in those five years- deputation, moving overseas, two gorgeous children, and so much more! There is no doubt our relationship was put together and has continued to be focused around the Lord.
  
In 2007, both Matt and I had dedicated our summer to traveling with a program from our college. The program was designed to send small groups of people around the world to assist in new church plants, help missionaries, or even just to be an encouragement to someone in the ministry. My group of four ladies traveled around the United States helping in about 10 different churches. Matt’s team went to Cambodia. Before we set off, we attended a “pioneer training camp” to give us the tools and resources we may need throughout the summer. It was here that I first became friends with Matt. 

Our group of 17 individuals traveling that summer became really close. A fatal accident also contributed to our group staying connected. Throughout the next semester our “pioneer group” seemed to always be together. From participating in the same ministries to always eating at the same supper table, we were always having a good time together. 

The fall of 2008 presented a new opportunity with our college. I, along with two other “pioneer friends,” decided to study abroad at the England campus. Matt was one of those friends. At this point our relationship would be considered “just friends.” However, during our time in England, we were paired together as soul winning partners. Every Tuesday we would go out witnessing door to door for a few hours at the time. This is where I truly got to know Matt. We were often paired together and spent hours figuring out different ways to work together in telling people about Christ. We also were able to talk about countless other things the Lord was doing in our lives. 

One weekend, while I was speaking with a friend, she asked me if I was interested in anyone. In my answer to her, I realized I had become attracted to this guy that I now considered my best friend. What was I going to do? I wouldn’t dare tell him.

Christmas of 2008 I had the privilege of spending with my best friend, Katie, and her family. Her parents gave me lots of nice gifts which included a really nice journal set. I decided that night I would begin a prayer journal specifically for Matt. I knew at this point he had no idea of my interest in him, but I knew I could tell the Lord and He would work it all out. I wrote in that journal every single day as a prayer for God to grant this desire of my heart. I prayed without ceasing. I found scripture verses on why Matt would be a good husband for me. Everything went in the journal.

Spring semester 2009 held many ups and downs in the emotional department. While Matt and I were still really good friends, that’s about where it stopped. All of my friends knew I liked Matt, except for Matt himself. It became a very stressful and awkward secret to keep, but I did not feel it was appropriate for me to initiate any relationship. Call me old fashioned, but I wanted my man to pursue after me. 😊

Even though Matt graduated that semester, he took an opportunity to stay as a graduate assistant for another year. Whew! I was relieved! This left him staying in the area over summer. I stayed over summer, too, because of my job. It was perfect! Our friends invited us over almost every night for dinner and games. They knew I had fallen for Matt and was trying to help in every way. 

Finally, the day came when they wanted to spill the beans. They worked with Matt and thought it would be a good idea to just let him know what was going on. I agreed with much hesitation. They told me the day they would tell him and had it all planned out. I was a nervous wreck the entire day! I was unable to find out his reaction to it all right away, thus leaving me in tears most the night. What did he say!?

The next day I called our friends to find out his reaction. More or less they said Matt was shocked. He said he knew something had been going on strange, but couldn’t tell what it was. He said he didn’t know how to react because I was one of his best friends and he had never thought of me as more than that. He was almost upset at it all because he feared losing our friendship. Thus begins the season of awkwardness.

The rest of that summer was good, but faced with many awkward conversations and run ins. We had never looked at each other as more than friends. Now, we had to talk about how we felt about each other. It didn’t take Matt very long to realize we really do work well together. We enjoyed each other’s company so much and had great conversations! 
  
After a short season of going back and forth on what was the correct timing of it all, Matt finally asked me to be his girlfriend on January 2, 2010. He made it special by calling my dad and getting his permission. He took me to Starbucks that evening to ask me. I was so nervous about going I told him I needed to cancel due to a sudden onset of tuberculosis. Of course he didn’t buy my scheme and I’m glad he didn’t. We spent a nice time talking about how the Lord had orchestrated it all from the beginning.
  
June 5, 2010, Matt took me to a gazebo. He had written a short book for me. Each page contained words written in a different language. On the last page was written in English “I love you.” This was the first time he told me he loved me. Of course I told him I love him, too. This is such a special memory to me.

    
July 31, 2010, Matt took me on a hike to Abrams Falls. It had been a rainy foggy morning, but really turned out to be a nice day. We hiked to the beautiful falls. On the way back Matt asked me to climb a rock with him. I refused the first few times, but finally he convinced me up. When we were seated on top he held my hand and asked me to marry him. He pulled out my beautiful ring and placed it on my finger. He kissed my hand and my cheek after I exclaimed a proud “yes!”
January 3, 2011, we became husband and wife. It seems as though this would be where our love story ends, but in fact it is just the opposite. We have a story of love that has continued these past five years and we look forward to many more years together, Lord willing.
  
My relationship with Matt is more than I could’ve ever dreamed of. One of our most thankful aspects of our marriage is our openness with each other. We see the importance of an open and honest relationship. It helps us when we are dealing with spiritual issues, physical issues, and even emotional issues. Being able to communicate with each other has definitely added to the joy in our marriage.

God has given me so many blessings. Outside of my salvation, Matt is my biggest blessing of all. He was patient and careful enough to make each step in our relationship special. He’s never mistreated me in any way. 
We often look back through my journal to see what it was that I specifically prayed for Matt each day. It’s wonderful to compare journals and see how God used my prayers for Matt even before we were a couple. Our God is so good!
  
Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

It’s Too Late

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Amidst the joy and celebration of the holiday season, I was brought to a somber reminder this evening. While preparing dinner for my family I began to hear loud chants coming from Buddhist monks down the road. It was a funeral. A funeral ceremony being performed for a young lady killed just yesterday in an accident. I don’t know the details surrounding her death, but I do know that her time on earth is done.

And then it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. DID I EVER TELL HER ABOUT CHRIST? Did I?? Which house was this? Have we visited them, yet? Had we shared Christ with her family? With her neighbors? With her? 

Suddenly I felt as though my perspective had changed. I’ve been almost consumed with making sure my family has the “essentials” to make a good Thanksgiving celebration. I’ve been worried about whether or not my kids will have opportunity to experience Christmas appropriately. I’ve been focusing my attention in all the wrong areas.

I feel so ashamed. Ashamed that I didn’t tell that young soul about Christ. 

The Lord has blessed me so much in my life. He even allowed me to attend a wonderful Bible College. I learned several different ways to appropriately share the gospel of Jesus Christ with people. I learned how to cultivate relationships with people- even those with different ethnicities. I’ve spent years of my life receiving the proper training and education from God’s word. And yet, I failed.

Khmer people see us out and about all the time. They think we have everything. They think we have everything because we are white, or because we are from America, or because we have more money than many of them. You know what? We DO have everything! Not because of our skin color or the amount in our bank account. We have everything because we have Christ! 

So now, it’s time to change. It’s not about Thanksgiving celebrations, or Christmas presents, or time with friends, or even time with family. It’s about Christ. It’s about making sure that His saving grace is known amongst the people here in Kampong Cham. 

How can I properly relate this to you? How can I give you this same burden for these sweet souls that I feel so deeply in my heart? How? Does it matter to you that ANOTHER one is gone? Forever! We don’t get to try again. We don’t get a second chance when life has passed. It’s final. Does it matter?!
When do the excuses end? More training? More education? More time? More money? 

No, not for me. No more excuses. Only obedience. 

Matthew 28:19-20 “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

Overcoming the SHOCK

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Culture shock. The very words that haunt most any person that may be moving away from a familiar environment. Physical ailments, separation distress, or emotional outcries may all play a part in this cruel “shocking” attack.

I’ve been told that culture shock comes and goes in waves. Sometimes you feel as though you can finally call this new place “home.” You almost mentally breathe a sigh of relief and pat yourself on the back for conquering the challenge of living in a different place. Other times, (usually right after that sigh) it hits you like a 100,000 lb elephant and then that elephant finds comfort in sitting on top of you for as long as he possibly can. Yep, it’s that bad and seemingly almost impossible to get rid of.

Culture shock also has many different faces. There are times it takes no shame in rearing its ugly head and makes its obvious appearance. Language barriers, poor or no reliable medical care, corrupt government, weather, and critters are good examples of things that can trigger a feeling of culture shock. Unfortunately, on the other hand, it can also creep in slowly and not as blatantly, but effects you very deeply. Maybe a hurtful word from a national, a picture of a family get-together back home, or an upcoming holiday season would be good examples. Either way, it’s attack is very real.

The effects of culture shock can also vary from each occurrence. While you may be “laughing it off” at one point, during a bad case of culture shock, that same event may leave you incredibly angry, upset, or even sad. It’s hard to tell what you may actually feel, but usually it’s not something you’re willing to write home about.

How do you deal with it? When do you get to a point when culture shock doesn’t come around any more? Why doesn’t anyone seem to understand what you’re going through? Well, all I know is that the answer is God. God helps me to deal with each attack of culture shock. God lets me know that no matter how long it may last, He will give grace. God understands when everyone else doesn’t.

I’ve been told by missionaries who have been on the field more than 20 years that they STILL experience culture shock from time to time! Doesn’t that sound crazy? No. Not to me. Not to them. While they have been living overseas all that time and learning to adapt in that country (learned the language, working in that culture, making lifetime friendships in that same country), they still get that slap in the face every once in a while letting them know that they are from a different country.

So, I’d like to share with you just a few things I’ve done/ am doing to help me cope with this unforeseen attack.

1. Reading God’s Word.
This is by far my greatest help! I find peace, comfort, encouragement, and help by reading the Bible. In college, God gave me a verse that I still quote most often to this day. Psalm 27:13 “I had fainted, UNLESS I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

2. Talking about it.
Now, this is not always an easy thing to admit to someone, but it is most important to have an accountability partner. For me, the Lord has blessed me in giving me a few very close friends, including my husband, my BFF (who also serves as a missionary on a foreign field), and a close friend that serves as a missionary in Cambodia. Each of these people provide a source of support that help me make sure I’m not checking out of the work here.

3. Reading encouraging letters.
Most of our letters come in the form of email, text messages, or Facebook post. Either way, I have a few that I often return to over and over again to remind myself that we do have faithful friends back home praying for us. Two weeks ago, we received 52 emails from a Sunday school class that had read our prayer letter that day! How encouraging is that? Just yesterday, I received the sweetest text from my daddy just saying I was on his mind and he was praying for me. God knows exactly what we need and when we need it. All of these things were a great help to me.

4. Singing songs (in English).
Tonight, after a long day- well, really a long week….ok, who am I kidding- it’s been one of those MONTHS…anyways, Matt and I sat down together at the piano and just sang some songs. The truths revealed in many great hymns are such a blessing! Music is a great gift from God that He has used many times in my life.

There are many other things I’m sure people can do to help them continue on in their fight.

Don’t worry, this post is not some cry for help or even a plea to go home. I REALLY DO love being here. I would not want to be anywhere else other than where God has us- and Cambodia is definitely the place God has us! We are more than blessed, too! God has made our lives so wonderful and I believe it’s because we have just committed ourselves to serving Him. His grace is sufficient!

My “Bliary”

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Welcome to my blog!

Let me start off by giving somewhat of a disclaimer- I’m not a professional writer. In fact, I’m not a professional anything. Well, unless you include “stay-at-home-mom” or “missionary wife” as a profession. However, getting me to fully express my thoughts into words, yeah, I’m not good at that. So, why do I have my own blog? Well, it’s more like a public diary meant to give you a glimpse into my “normal” life. I hope to use this page to share scriptures that have encouraged me, life experiences that have taught me, and possibly even a funny happening from our household.

So, if you’re expecting the typical I-have-it-all-together blog, you’ve got the wrong page!  My notes are just another insert into my diary…or my “Bliary.”